It’s that time of year again! We’re all about to sit down to a fulsome, fattening feast with our families, friends, and colleagues (really?) only to collapse afterwards in a wine and tryptophan infused stupor.
But as sure as Black Friday sales start at midnight, it’s certain that someone at the table is going to feel the need to loudly express their heartfelt opinions about current events (such as the war in Israel and Gaza, inflation, and the former President calling Americans he doesn’t like “vermin”).
Given the depth of feeling most of us have about these torrid topics, it’s only natural for us to want to respond with our own opinions.
Don’t do it!
Why? Because even though you may totally agree with your Great Uncle Jim, there’s a big chance that someone else doesn’t or is – at a minimum – uncomfortable talking about the topic. Do you really want to open that can of worms along with the cranberry sauce?
I get it – expressing our opinions about what’s going on in the world feels good and is self-validating. But honestly, it’s not worth ruining the meal just to get that momentary endorphin high.
Now, I realize that for many of you, this advice is a no-brainer, it’s like me telling you to wait until after Thanksgiving to put up the holiday lights; you would never do that (would you?).
“But Gregg,” you exclaim, “my great uncle Jim is a blockhead with the self-awareness and emotional intelligence of a gnat. You need to tell him to keep his pumpkin pie hole closed!”
Well, as much as I’d like to personally confront your uncle, grab him by the ugly sweater and scream ‘Don’t Say It!” I’m afraid I can’t suddenly appear in your dining room – like Santa on Christmas eve – dispensing this sage advice like so many pairs of warm Bombas socks.
So, you’re going to have to do this for me. No, I’m not advising you to yell at your uncle (he won’t listen anyway as his ex always says). But you could email this article to him (only be sure to send it BCC with the words “Good Advice for Everyone” in the subject header, so he doesn’t think you’re singling him out).
Or you could print it out and lay it strategically around the kitchen or post it on the wall next to the alcohol. That way just about everyone, including your teenagers, will see it.
Still, since your uncle Jim will assume that the email or posted article doesn’t apply to him and will decide to express his strong opinion anyway while spilling gravy all over your beautiful white linen tablecloth, you’re going to need a backup plan.
This is where our tried and true “trick and divert” technique comes in. Here’s how it works.
Step 1. The Heartfelt Opinion Is Spouted. Uncle Jim shoots his mouth off about the news of the day and there’s a momentary pause for discomfort around the table as your significant other looks at you with a face that says, “Oh, here we go again!”
Step 2. You Trick the Opinionator. You take a deep breath and loudly proclaim, “I think we can all agree this is a complex topic!” How does this trick them? Because by saying the words “I think we can all agree,” the opinionator has their ego stroked because they think everyone agrees with them. But all you’re doing is stating an obvious fact that everyone agrees on, that this topic (any topic, really) is complex.
Step 3. Immediately Divert to Another, Less Loaded, Topic. It’s imperative that as soon as you say the “I think we can agree” statement, that you divert the opinionator’s attention to a new, less emotionally fraught and contentious topic. The weather and/or sports are usually effective diversions, “Wow, it’s a warm/cold outside for November,” usually works (although these days, if you mention the weather, global warming might come up and then you’re back to square one. Ugh.)
Now, in our San Diego household, it’s always safe to divert the table conversations to sports, like the ever-losing Padres or to the football team whose name will never be mentioned because their owners abandoned America’s finest city to play 3rd rate ball in LA in a stadium packed with their opponents’ delighted fans. To be clear, the topic you divert to is not nearly as important as the diversion itself. You can’t just say, “I think we can all agree…” and assume your uncle will get the hint. He won’t, he never will.
So, to summarize: even though others may express their strong opinions at the Thanksgiving table, you shouldn’t, it’s just not worth it. And when others do anyway, you need to trick ‘em and divert the conversation as quickly and as confidently as you can. By the way, this technique can be used at any meal!
Now, someone please pass me a glass of wine, just in case.
Happy Thanksgiving!
