Last week, I had an somewhat loaded discussion with a new friend who had contracted COVID while on a holiday trip that involved a lot of flying. When I asked if they’d worn a mask while at the airport and on their flights, they indicated that they hadn’t because they didn’t believe that masks actually worked to protect us from viruses. They cited a research study that supported this belief which was published by a prestigious organization (whose name they couldn’t remember).
I replied that I’d seen research indicating the opposite, that masks did provide “some” protection and that I consistently wore one whenever I travel, especially during the winter months. I added, “If it might work, why not?”
Their response, “Well, that’s your choice.” They also said, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep some distance between us because I don’t know if I’m still infectious.” I thanked them and then we moved on to other topics.
That evening, I looked up the research indicating that masks are somewhat effective in preventing virus transmission and texted it to them, asking if they would send me the research that indicated otherwise.
But before I hit send, I wrote the following…
“By the way, it’s my sense that even if I send you a million validated scientific studies that say that masks are effective, it seems to me that you won’t change your mind for various reasons. So, you choose not to wear a mask and I choose to wear one, and that’s fine. I believe we still both respect each other as human beings.”
They wrote back, “I agree totally.”
I’m recounting this discussion here for two important reasons…
First, we’re constantly being told by the media and politicians that respectful discussions around differences of opinion don’t/can’t happen anymore. I don’t believe it, I just had one. And I think we can all have them.
Secondly, I’ve found that when people who disagree come from a place of respect for the other person – as a human being – regardless of their differences, they are much more likely to end the discussion on a respectful note. And, as a result, they might even consider the other person’s point of view and reasoning. This can’t be seen as anything else than a good result.
As I’ve predicted recently, for many reasons related to politics, biases, the presidential election, the wars in Ukraine and the Middle East, and the economy, 2024 is going to be a very, very challenging year for our society and culture. So, we at the Center for Respectful Leadership are committed to offering genuine tools, techniques and thought leadership to help us get through these tough times.
TODAY’S TIP: the next time a hot-button issue comes up in discussion with a colleague or friend and you find it difficult to respect their opinion, try saying, “I respect you as a human being.” (Of course, you should say it only if you truly mean it).
You may be pleasantly surprised: they might say the same thing right back to you and as a result, you might consider each other’s position more rationally.
Doubtful? Well then, I’ll finish by asking, “If it might work, why not?”
