An accountant decides to leave her current employer to find a better job elsewhere. Soon afterwards she is sued by that employer for the cost of the professional training she was given while at the company. Another company decides to eliminate the work-from-home policy that had been established during the Covid period because managers cannot trust their employees to do their work unsupervised. They have two choices: come back to the office, or leave. What’s missing here and in so many other situations like this? A clear dose of Respectful Leadership.
There is a change happening in workplaces everywhere, and it’s not just about the technology that we are using. It seems also that there has been a significant rise in disrespectful leadership. Less willingness to work together, less desire to grow together as a team, and a polarization that matches the type we are seeing in society at large.
To learn more about what’s going on, I recently met up virtually with Gregg Ward, founder and executive director of the Center for Respectful Leadership, bestselling author a true pioneer in his field and a really nice guy. Our full conversation is available as episode 50 of the CoolTimeLife podcast, available wherever you get your podcasts. Here are some highlights:
We are indeed reaching unprecedented levels of public disrespect right now and this is happening in the workplace. Where did this come from?
The level of public disrespect comes from a cocktail of influences that include:
- a more aggressive political arena, with populist politicians leveraging anger as a campaign weapon
- the stress and fear that erupted during the Covid pandemic
- social media and its need to magnify fear and anger to maximize viewership
- the additional paradox of social media, being an echo chamber for peoples existing biases
- a lack of time for reflection and mental balance in an “always on” culture
We added to this list the possibility of the removal of a cultural enemy at the gates. For much of the 20th century, people lived under the threat of Communism, but with the fall of the Berlin Wall, this global threat disappeared. Although others such as terrorism tried to fill the void, the lack of a cohesive global threat made people on each other, looking for differences – especially racial – that could be seen as that threat to the status quo.
Gregg made a point of showing how this happened following the fall of the Berlin Wall (which he covered as a journalist for the BBC, by the way), in which West Berliners were less than thrilled at the prospect of reunification and were in many cases hostile to their East German neighbors and relatives.
Why are so many C-Suite C Leaders supporting the same type of disrespect within the workplace?
Gregg pointed out that most companies are still driven by shareholder value over all else. This combined with the cultural reality that we tend to celebrate cutthroat command-and-control leaders who know how to “kick ass and take names,” because they drive up shareholder value. We celebrate this Jack Welch style without seeing the resulting damage, demotivation and turnover this caused.
Nobody celebrates the leader who is patient, and thoughtful, and kind, and respectful because that’s boring and does not grab headlines.
Are there companies we can point to any organization that do have respectful cultures?
Outdoor clothing retailer Patagonia has consistently, since its founding, been about conserving the earth, about taking care of resources, and about taking care of people. Many of the reports from Patagonia employees say it is a wonderful organization to work for.
Then there’s Costco. While they may be rather basic in their approach to their technology and retailing in general, they create a culture of respect. Simple things like saying “please” and “thank you.” You can tell that associates feel respected and valued by their supervisors, and vice versa. Quite simply, if you treat your team with respect, as a leader, they will treat your customers with respect, and all the boats will be lifted, everyone will benefit from behaving in a respectful way.
How can leaders and managers at any level improve their leadership style to emulate a more respectful style of leadership?
We developed what we call the seven respectful dues. These are very simple practices that can be done all the time, which not only be respectful but will also result in that respect being reciprocated. Of the seven, here’s three:
- Don’t just wait for someone to treat you with respect because you’re a manager or a boss. Instead go out of your way to treat people in a way that they want to be respected. There’s nothing wrong with saying good morning, how are you? How’s it going?
- Use what we all know of as common courtesy things that we learned when we were kids, like saying “thank you” or “would you like me to come back another time?”
- Ask people how they want to be addressed, for example Steven or Steve, or another name? Or with a professional honorific like “doctor” if the person has a Ph.D. Don’t make the assumption on how people want to be addressed. Instead, ask them.
- And get your emotional shift together. If you have negative emotional reactions that are observed or felt by others, you’re going to infect the rest of your team. So you must find ways to manage your emotional shift. This can be done by something as simple as going outside take a short walk. You have to be aware that people are watching you and they’re seeing how you react to problems and if you’re reacting negatively you’re going to infect them.
This article is written by Steve Prentice, based on the transcript of CoolTimeLife podcast, Episode entitled Respectful Leadership. You can listen to it on your podcast platform of choice.
