This article originally appeared in Training Industry on April 10, 2023. You can access it directly here.
If you’re like most people these days, you’re busy. Jumping from meeting to meeting, call to call, and email to text, with little time for chit chat or what are quaintly known as “the niceties.” Sometimes even the most common before-the-meeting question, “How are you?” will be skipped in the interest of getting down to business. But research indicates that a bit of light talk or banter before a meeting or training session can have a positive impact on everyone’s mood and morale.
The same can be said for treating others with respect and civility. In fact, findings from surveys conducted by the Energy Project and Harvard Business Review indicate that, “Employees who felt their leaders treated them with respect were:
- 63% more satisfied with their jobs,
- 55% more engaged,
- 58% more focused, and
- 110% more likely to stay with their organization.”
In short, respect is an excellent morale booster. Everyone wants to be treated with respect regardless of who they are or their status. And, by building an “actively respectful culture” in your organization, you’ll increase the likelihood that employees and managers will feel respected, respect others in turn, and see positive outcomes not only in morale, but in many key performance metrics.
So, how do you know what behaviors your colleagues and employees consider to be respectful?
First off, don’t assume that you’ll be on safe ground if you simply follow the Golden Rule: do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. Remember, not everyone wants to be treated the same as you. Some of us like to exchange pleasantries before a meeting, while others prefer to jump right in. Similarly, some prefer that colleagues communicate informally and create a human connection. Whereas others prefer to communicate more formally, focusing on facts and data.
The key is in learning what others consider to be respectful and then adapting your behavior to suit. This is where the “platinum rule” comes in. Coined by Dr. Tony Alessandra in the book of the same name, the “platinum rule” states, do unto others as they would have you do unto them.
To start learning about what others consider respectful, turn on your emotional intelligence (EQ/EI) “switch.” In other words, whenever you’re with others, read the room intentionally and get a sense of how people are feeling. For example, if you’ve ever arrived late to a meeting and noticed as you walked through the door that the group seems unusually tense and serious — even though no one has said a word — then that means your EQ switch was turned on at that time. Keep it turned on, always. You won’t regret it.
Another way to learn about what others consider respectful is to simply ask them! If you’re about to begin a facilitating a training course and you’re wondering how to pronounce someone’s name or how they’d like to be addressed, ask them: They’ll appreciate it and will feel respected because you did.
You can also build respect by being open and honest with others, even during tough times. Few people prefer their leaders to sugarcoat bad news. Instead, they want to be told what’s going on in a straightforward manner without a lot of dancing around. Of course, you don’t have to reveal company secrets or “predict the end of the world,” but giving your honest assessment of a situation and how people will be impacted by it is perceived by most to be respectful.
Lastly, if you make a mistake and behave in a way that others consider to be disrespectful, own it and apologize. Few behaviors are considered more disrespectful than when a colleague insults or belittles someone and then denies that it happened. Instead, once you’ve realized that you’ve been disrespectful, or someone’s brought it to your attention, try making a “full apology.” Take the person you offended aside, own your behavior and that you know it was disrespectful, make no excuses, genuinely apologize and offer to make amends. Surprisingly, when leaders sincerely and fully apologize for their mistakes, respect for them usually increases.
You can build morale by treating your colleagues with respect; just as you can tank it by being disrespectful. By turning on your EQ switch, communicating with the “platinum rule” in mind, and offering a full apology for your own disrespectful behavior, you’re likely to keep morale up, retain your best and brightest and contribute to a culture of respect.
